The I-It relation is not bad. In fact, it is essential to the smooth functioning of any society. Every time we act as cashier, customer, doctor, or writer-in-residence, we enter a set-up that plays upon I-It relations. And this is useful. I would not want to open myself up completely, enter a soul communion, with every apprentice writer who comes to see me. A cashier would want to do so with customers in a supermarket even less so. It would simply be too exhausting.

I-It relations are also essential to many spheres of intellectual activity. The social and physical sciences demand a certain detachment, as does the writing of novels.

An I-It relation is fine so long as we realize the limitations of It-ness. No I-It relation can encompass the whole person or plumb the deeper meaning of life. To stay too long at the level of I-It relations diminishes our humanity, the humanity of both participants. For the nature of the I changes depending on the relation entered. In the I-It relation, the I, however benignly or momentarily, is measuring, calculating, using. Not so in the I-Thou relation, in which the I opens up, trusts, lets go, affirms.

A relation, any relation, affects both participants.

Behind every It, we must not forget the Thou that exists. In every person who is playing a role that is useful to us, we must not be blind to the full human being who is playing that role.