The waves rolled in; and as I lay there, I knew I was becoming an
island. All around me, I could hear the advance of breaking water. I was
going to get up, but I wasn’t sure where the rocky cliffs were. My mind
had already convinced me that I was farther out, in the deep, dark
waters. I waited, like an idiot, for the cold to seep in under my blanket. It
never happened, I don’t think, because I fell asleep.

Needless to say, I dreamt I was an island.

***

Once, I made it all the way onto the deck of a ferry boat. I smuggled
myself aboard like a gypsy. And then the sea found me out. She rocked
the ferry from side to side, trying to shake my grip loose from the railing.
I hung on as long as I could, but then I became very ill. I could hear the
children laughing. I could see them, their little shapes steady on deck as
I dry-heaved over the side. When I finished, I tried telling them that I
hadn’t really puked. Look for yourselves! I pointed at the sea lapping up
against the rusted hulk and they became hysterical. Many people came
and I jumped overboard because I couldn’t trust them—what they would
do to me if they caught me and looked into my eyes.

At least the pigs were happy to see me upon my return. They
squealed with delight when I approached the house. I could see the old
woman was at the kitchen window. I waved, but all she did was glare at
her hands, and then her jowls started to tremble. But I’m back, I thought
to myself, and I called out to tell her so. She began yelling, cursing me,
pointing at my wet clothes. I got angry, maybe because the pigs were
still squealingin my head, or maybe because I knew I had come home. I
was going to jump into the pit then, to spoil it forever, but she stopped
yelling and started sobbing.

 

 

I like to imagine she was crying for me.

I remember how I walked carefully around the pigs, mindful of any
nudge that might send me into the pit. I was desperate for my island,
because she was there. I smiled up at her then, and she—she followed
my every step with trepidation in her eyes.
I wasn’t sure, so I made like I was going to fall in.
And her eyes touched mine, gently, for the first time I think

Those beautiful eyes.

And he opened the bottomless pit; and smoke
Went up out of the pit, like the smoke of a great
Furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by
The smoke of the pit.
(Revelation 9:2)

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